- Fizzy Thoughts: Entertaining email of the week

Entertaining email of the week

Friday, August 14, 2009

It’s been awhile since I had fun at a spammers expense.  This is one of the emails I received this week:

NB: Please you can contact me through my personal email address: novellfrancesuk3
Here writes Lady Novell Frances, suffering from cancerous ailment. I am married to Sir David Novell an Englishman who is dead. When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of 2 Million Great Britain Pounds Sterling which were derived from his vast estates and investment in capital market with his bank here in UK.
Recently, my Doctor told me that I have limited days to live due to the cancerous problems I am suffering from. I have decided to donate this fund to you and want you to use this gift which comes from my husbands effort to fund the upkeep of widows, widowers, orphans, destitute, the down-trodden, physically challenged children, barren-women and persons who prove to be genuinely handicapped financially.
I took this decision because I do not have any child and my husband relatives are bourgeois and very wealthy persons. I do not want my husband's hard earned money to be misused or invested into ill perceived ventures hence the reason for taking this bold decision.
As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the Bank in UK. I will also issue you a Letter of Authority that will empower you as the original beneficiary of this fund. My happiness is that I lived a life worthy of emulation. Please assure me that you will act just as I have stated herein.
Hope to hear from you soon.
You can contact me through my personal email address: novellfrances04
Madam Novell Frances

Let’s start with the name.  I have to confess that I got all excited when I saw the first name was Novell.  Except wait, apparently that’s the last name.  Oh, well.  I was thinking they actually knew I loved books and they personalized the email just for me.

Next, are they lumping me in with widows, widowers, orphans, destitute, the down-trodden, physically challenged children, barren-women and persons who prove to be genuinely handicapped financially?  I’m confused.

Third, David Novell doesn’t have a Wikipedia page.  I’m really bummed about this, because the last time I wrote one of these posts Lisa discovered the guy actually did die from polonium poisoning. Can you believe that??  So not finding David Novell on Wikipedia was a serious let-down.

And what’s with the two different email addresses?  Also, are you a lady, or a madam.  Personally, I’d avoid Madam, unless you really did want me to think you are, as Merriam-Webster puts it, the head of a house of prostitution.

Really Frances, you can do much better.

Oh, and Gmail…how could you possibly let this one slip through the spam filter?  I think I’m more disappointed in you than I am in the spammer!

8 comment(s):

rhapsodyinbooks said...

We have our spam filter off because leaving it on sometimes cuts out legitimate people. So we get many of these. And my husband spends an inordinant amount of time coming up with sarcastic responses to these people and sending them! It's his new entertainment....

heidenkind said...

I love the fact that he used "bourgeois." How fancy!!! Makes me think it might be a French Canadian spammer... :P

Beth F said...

Wait!!! I got the same letter. Now I'm going to have to call my lawyer and have him fight it our with your lawyer...

Jenners said...

Thanks for posting this!! It was fun!!

girasoli said...

LOL!!! Thanks for the laugh :)

Bookfool said...

Hahahahaha! You're so funny. I wish you lived next door.

Michelle said...

Hee! This is awesome!

I wish you'd reply to the email with just this response. I'd adore seeing what their reply to yours was.

Dawn @ sheIsTooFondOfBooks said...

Maybe we should set up this Madam with a spammer I heard from last week. Some guy named John ... they could go into business together!

In a real sense, people who have read good literature have lived more than people who cannot or will not read. It is not true that we have only one life to live; if we can read, we can live as many more lives and as many kinds of lives as we wish. ~S.I. Hayakawa

The World is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page.
~St. Augustine

Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.
~Mark Twain

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